Well, this has honestly been one of the hardest weeks... not a very "fun" spring break. But, definitely a meaningful one.
I spent much of my break with my grandparents in Murfreesboro, helping my mom & grandma keep my grandpop comfortable in his last days, and trying to prepare for his death. He's truly a wonderful man, and I am so glad that I was able to spend time with him during his last lively days. I am so thankful that I got the chance to tell him how much I love him and how much he has impacted my life, and to hear him mumble "i love you sweetheart" back to me. It was truly a blessing to be with my grandma and get to see her smile and laugh despite such a difficult, heartbreaking time in her life.
I had originally planned to work the first half of spring break & then go home to be with my mom & dad Tuesday-Sunday. Instead, I only got to come home and be with my dad for one day while my mom stayed in Murfreesboro to help my grandparents. Definitely not the ideal spring break... and I'd be lying if I said that I've had a great attitude the whole time. It's been really hard not feeling grumpy & jealous that my friends are off at the beach & spending time with friends & family, while I deal with the death of a man I love so dearly. But why on earth should I pity myself? This week has been one that I will remember for a lifetime. I got to have a few great conversations with grandpop in his last days of being able to really talk. I got to be with my mom & keep her company during a time when she has felt stressed and homesick. I have strengthened my relationship with my grandma so very much, and I feel really close to her now. I got to tell my grandpop how much I love him, and how much he's taught me. So, I should really consider how blessed I am, rather than being bummed I didn't get a tan this week.
I'm honestly ready for grandpop to die. He isn't truly alive anymore. Seeing his body in this state, and watching him suffer is much harder than knowing he's about to die. He's ready to make it to heaven; he's had an excellent, full life. And grandma is having a hard time seeing him like this. We want him to finally be able to rest; he deserves that much.
Mom and I wrote his obituary the other day, and that was a really hard thing to do. Although, it was neat to see how big his family is, and to know how many people absolutely adore him.
I'm really sad that I won't get to spend any more time with grandpop, and that he won't get to see me graduate college or get married. I have so much that I want to talk to him about, and so much I want to experience with him. But I know he loves me, and I know he's proud of me. He'll never truly be absent from my life; he is such a part of me and what I know of love. John Broadus Sessoms loved so deeply and genuinely, and he taught me so much about love. I'll never forget his dinner-time prayers of thanks for his family, inevitably followed by tears of happiness.
I love you, grandpop.