Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Oh, hi.

Seems I forgot about my blog for a while. Perhaps it was a needed break.

I've been thinking lately on the growth I've experienced over the past year & a half of marriage (what?!). This time last year, I was in a good but kind of rough place. I was happy, but also dealing with some anxiety issues that, as I can see pretty clearly now but perhaps didn't at the time, were pretty crippling. I feel a lot healthier now. I feel more confident & happy with myself as a human than I ever have. I feel capable of accepting my flaws and trying to grow, without wanting to crawl in a hole anytime I hear criticism or feel insecure. It's extremely liberating, and I am really happy to have reached this place in my life. I owe so much to Nathan, to my loving & encouraging friends, to my family, to my boss(es) & colleagues & clients, to my pets, to the Tennessee mountains, to myself.

Things are changing, but in very unexpected ways. My parents are divorced, my sister doesn't talk to me. Life as I know it is officially different. What will happen when Nathan & I have kids? Do I tell my sister even though she asked me never to contact her? Will my parents be able to be in the same room to see my family? Will my child(ren) have relationships with both of their maternal grandparents? I don't know what it looks like, and that scares me, but I know that we will figure it out whenever that time comes.

I don't know where we'll be two years from now. I'm still definitely considering graduate school, but I don't know where or when. I hope to continue in my field, where I feel extremely fulfilled and challenged every day. It's exciting to think about living somewhere new, but is it feasible or financially responsible?

I have been paying more attention to my physical and personal needs lately, and in order to meet them I've been exercising a lot (Jazzercise & Yoga) & knitting as much as possible. My body feels healthy & strong, and I've challenged myself with really fun new knitting patterns. Both are extremely enjoyable & fulfilling for me.

There are certainly struggles at times, emotionally, financially, & otherwise, but I feel like I am in a much better place & pretty capable of handling what comes my way. I am feeling overwhelmingly blessed & fulfilled by my life right now, and so incredibly happy to be sharing it with so many wonderful people (and pets).