Oh, hi.

Seems I forgot about my blog for a while. Perhaps it was a needed break.

I've been thinking lately on the growth I've experienced over the past year & a half of marriage (what?!). This time last year, I was in a good but kind of rough place. I was happy, but also dealing with some anxiety issues that, as I can see pretty clearly now but perhaps didn't at the time, were pretty crippling. I feel a lot healthier now. I feel more confident & happy with myself as a human than I ever have. I feel capable of accepting my flaws and trying to grow, without wanting to crawl in a hole anytime I hear criticism or feel insecure. It's extremely liberating, and I am really happy to have reached this place in my life. I owe so much to Nathan, to my loving & encouraging friends, to my family, to my boss(es) & colleagues & clients, to my pets, to the Tennessee mountains, to myself.

Things are changing, but in very unexpected ways. My parents are divorced, my sister doesn't talk to me. Life as I know it is officially different. What will happen when Nathan & I have kids? Do I tell my sister even though she asked me never to contact her? Will my parents be able to be in the same room to see my family? Will my child(ren) have relationships with both of their maternal grandparents? I don't know what it looks like, and that scares me, but I know that we will figure it out whenever that time comes.

I don't know where we'll be two years from now. I'm still definitely considering graduate school, but I don't know where or when. I hope to continue in my field, where I feel extremely fulfilled and challenged every day. It's exciting to think about living somewhere new, but is it feasible or financially responsible?

I have been paying more attention to my physical and personal needs lately, and in order to meet them I've been exercising a lot (Jazzercise & Yoga) & knitting as much as possible. My body feels healthy & strong, and I've challenged myself with really fun new knitting patterns. Both are extremely enjoyable & fulfilling for me.

There are certainly struggles at times, emotionally, financially, & otherwise, but I feel like I am in a much better place & pretty capable of handling what comes my way. I am feeling overwhelmingly blessed & fulfilled by my life right now, and so incredibly happy to be sharing it with so many wonderful people (and pets).

Obligatory holiday post.

So, I haven't done a holiday post because, quite frankly, this was the worst holiday I've ever had. Don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly blessed & have a relatively easy life, but this holiday was full of heartbreak and betrayal, and I don't really feel on reflecting upon it.

Good news is, for every person who hurts me irreparably, there are a handful waiting in the wings to pick me up and hold me in my tears. My mom, my husband, my aunt & uncle, and my in-laws never let me down, and I am so lucky to have them.

Oh, and this little guy is a constant in my life. Always happy to see me, always ready to cuddle, always loving.

Crime Scene

Isn't this the coolest/cutest thing you've seen? I love it. Check more out at this NPR article.

Happy Stinkin' Friday

Y'all, it's FRIDAY. and I've never been more excited about that.

Yesterday was ex-haus-ting.... had a crisis situation with a client & had to call the cops (side note: I will be repositioning the furniture in my office so that I am not completely boxed-in in the event of another crisis situation. Yeesh.), then had a really great but tiring intake with a homeless man who really wants/needs some assistance, then had a benefits enrollment meeting. Insurance is really confusing, guys. But my agency is amazing and is footing the bill for the 40% increase in our premiums. WOW.

So yesterday, needless to say, my brain felt like jello after work. Luckily I got to go to my exercise class & came home to a delicious dinner of curry lentil soup that Nathan just whipped up without a recipe. Then we snuggled and watched a movie. I love him, did you know?

AND NOW IT'S FRIDAY! So to celebrate, we will be have a double-date-night-in with Sarah & Lauren, complete with adult hot cocoa, wine, games, movies, and lots of love. Tomorrow I get to go to a super session exercise class, then a doggie-festival date with Marie & Bella. Then.... wait for it.... The Hobbit! I'm so pumped. And, to top it off, Jayvea & I are going to a holiday social for Big Brothers Big Sisters on Sunday.

I am so ready to get this weekend started....

Dreams

Life is really grand. There are times when I wish some things about it were different, but overall, life is really wonderful these days & I continually feel really blessed. It's interesting how sometimes, when things get "harder", it becomes more & more apparent how blessed you really are. I am happy with life as it is right now. Certainly, there are things I would like to "fix" or make go away, but I'm realizing that I've got to accept the bad with the good.

That being said, sometimes I like to dream of a perfect little life...

One where we live on the seaside in a secluded cottage in a little village somewhere cold. We have a big garden/farm, and we live off of our land. I spend my days knitting, sewing, cooking, crafting, and working with the disadvantaged in our village. We have a little co-op where we sell/trade crafted goods & food, where people from the village gather to read books, drink tea, share in each other's presence, and commune. We have a couple kids running around and playing in the dirt, and tons of animals outside & inside. We have some technology, but not much. Life is simple, and we spend time enjoying each other's company and away from the distractions of modern life. We love deeply, laugh constantly, and bask in the simplicity and beauty of nature, each other, and life in its entirety.

I know it probably sounds really dumb, or boring, or silly to a lot of people. But that's the kind of life I want. And even if we don't end up in a secluded seaside cottage, I want my life to embody that spirit: one of simplicity, humility, self-sustainability, and honesty. More than ever, I have a clear picture of what is important to me & what kind of life I want to lead. To a lot of people, I've become boring, but I feel like I've finally started maybe a little bit figuring it out. I love that we all have different hopes & dreams for our lives. I'm amazed and thoroughly impressed by my friends in big cities, pursuing their dreams & aspirations. And I love that our lives are unique and meaningful, each in their own way.

I guess seeing what my dream life is makes it no wonder that I love staying home to knit, cuddle with my dog, play a boardgame with my husband, cook good food for friends, drink too much wine, and go to bed early. I really like it that way.

we would have sheep... and i would spin my own wool.

If I Were Paul

Consider how you were made.

Consider the loving geometry that sketched your bones, the passionate symmetry that sewed
flesh to your skeleton, and the cloudy zenith whence your soul descended in shimmering rivulets
across pure granite to pour as a single braided stream into the skull’s cup.

Consider the first time you conceived of justice, engendered mercy, brought parity into being,
coaxed liberty like a marten from its den to uncoil its limber spine in a sunny clearing, how you
understood the inheritance of first principles, the legacy of noble thought, and built a city like a
forest in the forest, and erected temples like thunderheads.

Consider, as if it were penicillin or the speed of light, the discovery of another’s hands, his oval
field of vision, her muscular back and hips, his nerve-jarred neck and shoulders, her bleeding
gums and dry elbows and knees, his baldness and cauterized skin cancers, her lucid and
forgiving gaze, his healing touch, her mind like a prairie. Consider the first knowledge of
otherness. How it felt.

Consider what you were meant to be in the egg, in your parents' arms, under a sky full of stars.

Now imagine what I have to say when I learn of your enterprising viciousness, the discipline
with which one of you turns another into a robot or a parasite or a maniac or a body strapped to a
chair. Imagine what I have to say.

Do the impossible. Restore life to those you have killed, wholeness to those you have maimed,
goodness to what you have poisoned, trust to those you have betrayed.

Bless each other with the heart and soul, the hand and eye, the head and foot, the lips, tongue,
and teeth, the inner ear and the outer ear, the flesh and spirit, the brain and bowels, the blood and
lymph, the heel and toe, the muscle and bone, the waist and hips, the chest and shoulders, the
whole body, clothed and naked, young and old, aging and growing up.

I send you this not knowing if you will receive it, or if having received it, you will read it, or if
having read it, you will know that it contains my blessing.

-Mark Jarman

The making of a perfect weekend:

• Baja Burrito & knitting night with a really random but wonderful group of women.
• kick-ass (seriously) Jazzercise workout, in which I left with a fully soaked t-shirt.
• doggie bath time... clean pups are the best.
• Little Sister art time
• Christmas party with lots of homemade gifts, wine, delicious food, and wonderful company.
• Sleeping in & making homemade cinnamon rolls... sugar overload.
• Eating lots of homemade apple cider caramels.
• Folk + Free Skool gardening class with friends.
• Dutch Blitz game night, complete with ginger-apple spritzer, caramels, and laughter with two of my favorite women.
• Wrapping presents & putting them under the tree.
• Knitting on the couch with a cat on each side of me.
• Knowing that in less than a week, my grad school friends will be free to hang out with me again (this means you, Sarah).
• Knowing that Christmas is 15 days away!!!
 

Folk + Free Skool

She made this for me. "Jayvea loves Becca as a real sister and mom." 

Corduroy cuddle time.

 

and presents under the tree!