Most days I love my job....
Today wasn't necessarily one of those days. Though I do love my boss, who braved the bedbugs with me.
The other day I had a really lovely afternoon in the park with some of my girlfriends, discussing bell hooks' Feminism is for Everybody and talking through some of our own experiences with sexism. I realized that there is a lot I need to work through, a lot of insecurities, shame, and confusion that I have experienced often as a result of being female in a male-dominant society. I know it sounds silly and ridiculous to most people, and a lot of folks are probably rolling their eyes while reading this... But if you want to know why I feel this way and why it is important for me to understand who I am as a woman (rather than despite being a woman), you should read this article about the portrayal of women as being "crazy". The article is written by a man who is very well-spoken, respectful, and responsible with his status as a male. I actually cried while reading this article because it illuminated a lot of the insecure ways I act- apologizing before I speak, qualifying everything I say, being scared of disagreeing with others, being fearful of showing my emotions too obviously.
I love being a woman, don't get me wrong about that. But I don't love how my sex is portrayed or treated in the media and, unfortunately, in every-day life. Particularly upsetting is seeing the ways that women have internalized so much of this sexism and treat one another in demeaning or sexist ways. We have to realize how we have been conditioned by society to feel about ourselves, and then we have to figure out how to realize that our voices are so much more powerful, meaningful, and important than society would have us believe.
“The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn.”
|One of my favorite photos from the wedding.|
|me, Steph, & Sarah this past summer.|
|I call this one, "My Cat, the Sorority Sister"|
On this day 10 months ago, Nathan & I became husband & wife. I can't believe it's been that long.... But it also somehow seems like it's always been this way. It's hard to remember life before Nathan. I am so blessed to have such an incredible partner living life alongside me, there to share in my joys & sorrows. 10 months down, many many more to go.
I am not a pretty girl
that is not what I do
I ain't no damsel in distess
and I don't need to be rescued
so put me down punk
maybe you'd prefer a maiden fair
isn't there a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere
I am not an angry girl
but it seems like I've got everyone fooled
every time I say something they find hard to hear
they chalk it up to my anger
and never to their own fear
and imagine you're a girl
just trying to finally come clean
knowing full well they'd prefer you
were dirty and smiling
and I am sorry
I am not a maiden fair
and I am not a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere
and generally my generation
wouldn't be caught dead working for the man
and generally I agree with them
trouble is you gotta have youself an alternate plan
and I have earned my disillusionment
I have been working all of my life
and I am a patriot
I have been fighting the good fight
and what if there are no damsels in distress
what if I knew that and I called your bluff?
don't you think every kitten figures out how to get down
whether or not you ever show up
I am not a pretty girl
I don't want to be a pretty girl
no I want to be more than a pretty girl
"Not a Pretty Girl" by Ani Difranco
Tonight, Nathan & I watched a film I've been longing to watch: Ingredients, an excellent documentary about the importance of the growing local food movement.
I must say, I am so glad we finally watched it. This film not only pointed out the incredible injustices--economic, environmental, medical, etc--of the current state of food in our nation, but it also showed the hope available in local farming & gardening. Watching this film didn't necessarily teach me anything new... I already knew how unhealthy and inefficient our food system is in this nation. What this film did do is give me a sense of empowerment regarding what I choose to consume. Ingredients reminded me that I have the right to eat well, and with that right comes the responsibility to support my local farmers.
I am so happy that we are supporting a local farm & getting incredibly fresh, organic, sustainable, delicious produce in return... It's really a great deal. And Nathan and I are already planning how we're going to cultivate and support ourselves with the garden we'll have in a month or so. I must say, working in a garden/farm to grow healthy & beautiful food is one of the most rewarding and powerful experiences. Working with Nashville Food Project has been such a blessing, and I'm really looking forward to getting my hands dirty in my own yard.
One other thing I loved about Ingredients is that it acknowledges the financial constraints that making eating locally & organically so incredibly difficult for many Americans. And because our nation, government, and society have not deemed local, sustainable agriculture as a right for all Americans, it has become an upper-class luxury in some regards. But this film directs us toward how to make fresh food possible for all. It must be something that our nation deems worthy of focus. To me, it is vital. I struggle with how to live this out in my own life, when bills seem never ending, and take-out sounds easier than cooking. Yet, I know that I need to try as hard as I can to remember how much I owe it to myself to eat well, straight from the ground.
Also, I ate an asparagus straight from the ground yesterday & it was literally the most delicious asparagus spear I have ever tasted. It was tender, as if I had just poached it. And the flavor was almost unbelievable... It had a nutty flavor I've never tasted in asparagus before. That experience in & of itself alone justifies eating fresh from the ground.
Anyways, you should watch Ingredients. I hope that my generation can help refocus the national attitude toward agriculture. Here's to trying.
Do I sound like a hippie? I know, I know.