Well the biggest obvious life change is my new job. And while I love it endlessly, it's been a hard transition for me. Before & during my first few years of college, I had some serious struggles with self esteem. I don't know why it's always been a battle for me, but it has probably been one of my biggest struggles to date. Well, things got better in my upper-classman years of college, whether that was due to the counseling, the amazing friends, the seniority & confidence of being an upperclassman, or the prozac, I have no idea. All I know is that plop me down in the middle of a new, uncomfortable situation in which I am the "new kid on the block" and the youngest person there, and all of a sudden my insecurities begin rushing back in. For that reason, it's been a very draining & difficult few weeks. I'm new and insecure, despite the fact that I can do the work well. My insecurities are mostly social anxieties. I get nervous around my new co-workers & bosses, and say extremely ditzy, silly things on accident. I get lost driving around new areas so easily and then feel embarrassed to the point of tears. I've only broken down a few times, and luckily my amazing husband has been there to talk when I needed it, and hold me when I didn't want to say a word. I don't think I've let these insecurities affect my job performance, just my social performance (which has been abysmal at best). Nonetheless, the job is going great and I am so thankful to have this huge honor & blessing in my life. Now, if only it paid a little bit better! (joke... but, really)
Okay, my earlier comment about the job being the "biggest new life change" is obviously rubbish. Hello, marriage? Yeah. That's a pretty big one. And, it's going superbly. It's hard, of course (anyone who goes into it thinking otherwise is completely delusional). But it's so wonderful. I get to wake up every morning with my best friend (who usually is still asleep when I leave... jerk) and fall asleep next to him every night. We make dinners together and lounge around talking about our days, our interests, our desires, our dreams, and also a whole lot of nothing. We joke together and laugh together. We get grumpy and annoy the heck out of each other. And, most of all, we love each other desperately. Not always the silly butterflies-in-the-stomach kind of love (though that's most of the time!), but the real, hard, honest, genuine kind of love where you have to actually work at it. That's the best part. We really haven't figured it out yet at all (4 months? Maybe we'll get halfway there after 40 years...), but the fun part is trying to figure it out together.
But enough mushy stuff. Practically speaking, marriage is going well! We have a great apartment, where we just hosted a housewarming party, two adorable cats, great friends, and a new interest in cooking (mine, particularly). We also are in the midst of deciding on a CSA to join! More about that later. Nathan is doing so well in school and I am so proud of how hard he works. He is honestly the most hard-working, driven person I have ever known.
|This pretty much sums it up.|